I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
