ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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