god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
