Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
