you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
