I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
