I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
