I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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