He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
