ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
