Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
