I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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