Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
