It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
