Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
