I want to have your abortion
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think my moral compass just broke
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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