Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
