note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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