I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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