Umm I'm too high to move.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
