is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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