Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
