The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
