Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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