I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
