We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
