Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
