I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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