Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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