If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
