i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
