I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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