You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
