so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
