omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
