sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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