No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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