John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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