I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Everything about him screamed your future.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
