my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
zippers are such a cool invention
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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