I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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