what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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