okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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