hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
