I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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