Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
