I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
