I can text with my tongue
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
