Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
