you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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