dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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