u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
