I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
