she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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