there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
