When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
