Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
