she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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