i think i have herpe
just one?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
