Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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