Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
