so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize