I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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