That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
