a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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