Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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