I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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