No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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