my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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