i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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