do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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