if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
